The year of 'meh'
I seem so many posts on 2016 about people saying that 2016 was awful in so many ways. Politics. Economics. Deaths.
I don't dispute those at all.
For me 2016 was a year of 'meh', which is a great word to describe that indolent shoulder shrug. Sure there have been lots of bright moments, but I didn't feel like I accomplished much. Worse yet, I didn't have the physical or brain energy to do much. Or to care.
I mean when a girl who loves notepads and lists sits down with a brand new shiny notepad and can't summon up enough brain cells to make a list - any list - we know that things are truly off.
My health has been shitty. Literally and figuratively. 2016 was the year of colitis 'accidents'. Humbling and degrading all in one.
My energy simply didn't exist. I got things done. mostly. but bare minimum seemed to be the standard of 2016. Exhaustion and I were BFFs
There were good things. I made it through my first year at a new school. A new baby in the family. My dad's 80th. A wonderful visit to DS at the end of September.
I met all my planned spending goals. There weren't too many Murphy moments. I didn't meet my goal to pay down my LOC to under $10 000.
I didn't read much. Correction - I didn't read anything new. Didn't have the brain cells to commit to anything new. I reread a lot of things. Rewatched things on Netflix. Zoned out on computer games.
I honestly feel like an old lady sitting in her chair, passing time with trivialities. Not living. Just waiting to die.
I want to LIVE. I don't know what that looks like in my health limitations, but I want to live. I want spark. energy. zest for experiences.
What works?
Well mini goals work for me.
Something different but not too different to activate my mind.
What didn't work for me... doesn't take a genius to see that nothing I am doing is improving my health. When I did little spurts of WW or walking. It worked. I felt better.
I know...jaw dropping revelations.
I am not sure what new things or different things I need to do, but it's either that or roll over and wait for it all to be done.
Not exactly going to win cheerleader of the year with this post. Not looking for pity. Just ............ saying 'outloud' all the things I have been feeling lately.
And there has been a spark the past few days. The post Christmas, new budget, new goals, tabula rasa kind of spark.
I'll take that :-)
Tuesday, Nice weekend!
1 day ago
6 comments:
I soooooo related to this post. May next year be better.
Big hugs. I can very much relate to that lack of energy & how it can suck the will out of you to accomplish anything at all. I tend to overcompensate by planning the h*ll out of every waking moment. Because I'm terrified I will stop accomplishing anything, & will then add depression to the physical exhaustion.
It sounds like you have some ideas of how to change things, and I agree- small steps are critical when you are dealing with a health issue. Maybe choose one thing a week to focus on. Make that an eventual habit, and then add on something else.
Wishing you a healthy 2017!!
Is there anything more that can be done to improve your health? Medications/treatments? It seems that it's really holding you back from living your life. I've never known anyone else with that condition so I am ignorant. The clue that jumped out at my was "mini goals". You have to go with what works for you and be satisfied with that. I bought a journal for 2017 called "Create Your Own Happiness"; something I really have to work on. What sort of things make you happy Jolie? Can you build some mini-goals around that?
Jane - I am already on the strongest med I can be. I bought a book something like yours Jane. Heading to post office asap to see if it came in.
HP - Thanks. I know you have your struggles as well and you are right. When you stop, the depression leaps in. Hope you have a great 2017 too.
Mysti - Thanks Mysti. Hopefully will get to head down to your neck of the woods a couple times to see DS. That always helps (except for the money side :-)
Jolie,
I had a "meh" 2016 moment as well when reading over my past blogs, so full of energy and possibilities in January, ending with lethargy and melancholy leading up to the holidays. No more though, and I am going to grin and make the most of 2017. Like Jane, I am unfamiliar with all you must be experiencing, but having a series of boughts with intense women's health issues, bleeding, cramping etc., I can imagine the stress just getting on with your day to day life might be with no relief in sight. I so hope you can get better help in the coming year.
I hope 2017 is better for you. You deserve it.
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