April Change

April was a good month for change. Another $100 to put towards my Back To School fund and now that goal is fully met.

I will now put my change towards a TFSA. I haven't added to it in a couple years so I am hoping this is the year.

 

• 1 roll toonies - $50
• 1 roll loonies - $25
• 2 rolls of quarters - $20
• 1 roll of dimes - $5

The most precious commodity

...is definitely Time.

This journey with mom has taught me that.

I definitely have had time with her, which is more than those whose parents pass suddenly have.

But that time given means that outside of the hospital and work, I have very little time.

Most days I leave the house by 7 and get home by 8 PM

That doesn't leave a lot of the precious commodity of time, for other things.

So many things have gone by the wayside during this journey

• Time after school and on weekends to mark and plan. I am always far behind
• Time to stay on top of my finances
• Time to blog
• Time with friends
• Time to plan and eat properly
• Time to take care of all the things at home. Laundry, grocery shopping, cleaning. oh lord my house is a mess

I hate feeling so far behind on everything. It causes me stress which just makes everything feel overwhelming.

Sorry for the vent. It just makes me think of how much time I had before and how poorly I  used it.

I hope I can carry this realization with me as I move into spring and whatever lies ahead in this journey.

What I am reading

So I forced myself to use some of the time at the hospital to read. It was hard to get my brain engaged in it and not on the matter at hand, but eventually I did.

And over the weekend I started and finished my first book in a long time.

The book, Carnegie Maid, was a fictional account of a personal maid in the Carnegie household as they were doing their rise in the steel industry in Pittsburg.

I am glad I read it. Heck I am glad I just READ.

Where the money stands

as of April 15th

Debt

Mortgage - $9 707.86

College LOC - $19 993.42

Total Debt - $29 701.28

Savings/Planned Spending

TFSA/EF - $8200 
RRSP -$15 814

Back to School 2018 - $400

XMAS 2018 - $200

TFSA 2018 - $400

RRSP 2018 - $1500 (goal met)

Plates 2018 - $500

I didn't make much progress on the planned spending category but I did just nicely slide back down under $30 000. Let's hope it stays there

Surfacing

First of all thank you to all those who left comments for me that  I found when I logged in this morning. It meant a lot to me to see those, celebrating successes and offering thoughts.

I can honestly say that since Jan I have been in a brain fog. This cancer journey of mom's is taking it's toll on all of us. She has been in and out of the hospital several times. The most recent two are due to a massive case of shingles...the worst our hosp staff had seen. The first round of it was facial blisters and in her good eye.

When we mostly kicked that and got home, a second round hit. This was incredible nerve pain that brought us all to our knees. The meds we had for that changed her. She became much like a toddler. Anger. Rages. Sobbing. Tantrums. Huge roller coaster ride for everyone.

We ended up back in hospital when we couldn't manage the nerve pain on our own. It escalated from there and the drugs they gave her gave her vivid night terrors and made her afraid to go to sleep. Think gates of Heaven. Satan. All that.

We have now been in the hospital for three weeks I think. She is bed ridden and needs support to get up and toilet and all those things.

We have been doing 24/7 care giving since January. We are exhausted physically and emotionally. Only this past week has she been calm enough at night to be alone at the hospital.

My day is up and work and to the hospital until about 9 PM then home to bed. Lather, rinse repeat.

Much of the rest of the world has been on hold. I even left a $25 charge on my VISA not get paid in time and I had to pay interest. I haven't let that happen in almost 10 years now.

My home life is non existent. My house is a mess. Dad's too as he is alone most of the time now.

I did manage to get down to see DS1 for his final weekend of college hockey and it couldn't have gone any better. My flight ticket cost a fortune and seeing his joy at how it all went down was worth every single penny. I was with him when we got news of the bus crash and we sat together as the texts came in from his 'brother in law' as we found out which of their hockey friends were sent to hospital, and which has passed.

DS2 started a job. Not with conservation. He doesn't feel that is for him. This is metal work for oil tanks. Pay isn't great but he's working 5 days a  week and has his $ss off my couch and doing something.

I long for spring and dry roads so I can walk. I long for 'normal' but I don't think my normal will ever be the same

RRSP update

My RRSP has taken a hit. In January my balance was 15 455.92.

Now it stands as $15 170.83

A drop of $300 on so small a balance just doesn't seem fair.