Mom passed away last week. The funeral was yesterday.
She fought super hard but the melanoma just spread everywhere.
We had her for a week in the city getting radiation on her hip and tailbone. That relieved some pain but a CT scan there said she had dozens of cancer lesions in the brain.
After she came back to the hospital here she never quite bounced back. Some moments of lucidity and memory sharing. Other moments of incredible confusion and fear and tears. We went from a family meeting of several weeks to go to ....gone, three days later.
We sang her out with the guitar and songs from our campfire.
The funeral planning shouldn't have been hard. Mom had spelled it all out quite clearly with me in Feb. But 2 of the sisters struggled and it became incredibly stressful as they tried to take over mom's wishes.
I made sure the service was exactly how she wanted it with enough of sister opinion to ease the waters. I think.
I went back to work today. Incredibly tired and SO far behind on marking, with only a few weeks of teaching to go.
My grief hasn't been profound now. That concerns me a little. Is the wall coming? Or were all those moments of tears and depression over the past 6 months my grief and now I am just going to have to try to 'get used' to her not being here?
My time still isn't my own. Instead of long hospital vigils with mom, it has transferred to time spent at dad's cleaning and cooking and talking. His health isn't great so it may truly be just a matter of time before I do this again.
2018 has been exhausting.
