My Last Day

of summer

I can't complain. I really can't. I get a long summer. but like everyone else coming off holidays, I have a last day before work starts. This is it. It feels very bittersweet.

I know getting back to routine is always good for me, but it does start to feel like a hamster wheel after awhile - and I am afraid to get off it without getting my foot caught in the spokes.

So I am curled up on my couch with fresh coffee in hand, watching an episode of Gail Vaz Oxlade on Slice tv, and plotting how to spend my last day.

I had 2 whole days alone - Thursday and Friday. DS1 was gone to hockey camp in BC and DS2 was at bible camp. I spent one long full day at school working and the other I spent shopping for household things and cleaning and laundry....updating budget and expenses etc.

It felt very luxurious being at home alone. Does that make me a bad mother?

speaking of bad mothers, when I went to pick DS2 up from camp yesterday I got there early. I know they are all busy wrapping things up so I stayed  in the parking lot with my window open and read so I wouldn't take away that last time from DS. I saw him way off but didn't say anything. He and his friends were sitting at a picnic table. Voices carry. I heard him say once "WHY WHYYYYYYYYY does my  mother have to be here?" Then again 10 minutes later I heard him, in response to someone, saying "well I want that to NOT be my mother sitting over there in the parking lot" There was such venom in his voice.  It hit my soul. I turned the vehicle on and spun out of the parking lot and headed back to the highway and just drove and cried til I could pick him up and not cause a scene there. He's never spoken like that about me (as far as I know). It was a very long hard day for the two of us. I felt hungover by supper with the emotional drain. I am not sure what I did wrong that he feels that way about me.

So today I can choose to spend time at home with DS2. head to the city with him to watch a movie. or go to the school.  I guess we will see how he feels when he wakes up.

I watched the memorial yesterday of Jack Layton, Leader of the Opposition. Another person (who happens to be a national politician) gone too soon. His son spoke, very well, as did his daughter. I am haunted by something they said....a quote from their father.

"You can wait forever for perfect conditions, or you can make the best of what you have right now"