For so many reasons this Christmas is unlike any I have experienced yet.
DS1 is in Europe.
My kitty of a dozen years is gone.
Mom is gone.
Dad is unwell.
In late November we decided at our house there would be no 'Christmas'. No gifts exchanged whatsoever. We thought to redirect that money toward a trip to Europe to see DS in February. A good idea for all kinds of reasons but the house feels very odd. I put the little coffee table tree up but it looks lonely with nothing under it. Not even a cat to smack down the occasional ornament.
I have been at dad's since school got out Friday. My sister is gone to the city to spend early Christmas with her kids. She has been doing the lions share of dad care and desperately needs a break. That means I will do dad's meals, keep the fire in his wood stove going, and keep him company during the day and over night. He is really feeling mom's absence. He was never the gung ho Christmas guy with presents and decorations. This year he said NO when sister 3 did a fleeting visit down and got mad at him for not having decorations up. She put some up anyways. As soon as she left he made me take them down. He has little choice in his world these days. I am a little disappointed with her that she couldn't respect that.
Sister 2 is home later today. She plans to spend the night tonight with him.
We are off to sister 1's house for supper. A small gathering. Two of her kids, their significant other, one baby and us.
I just can't seem to find any joy this season. Perhaps if dad weren't sick it would be easier, but as of right now, we are still living through this loss. I know we are not alone. So many folk have lost their someone in 2018 and are trying to navigate this festive season without them.
Not Much Working Out Monday
2 hours ago
1 comment:
The first holidays after losing those we love are the hardest. When my sister died in November 2013, very unexpected, my son had just moved to Florida with no money to get home, my older daughter was in England, and I just sort of dialed it in that year, as I had the previous one after my dad died. I tried doing something to make it special for my youngest and husband, but it just wasn't the same. All I can share is we all developed a new norm, never the same, but the joy did come back. I think directing money to go see you on is smart. Who says Christmas has to be celebrated with fanfare? Sometimes being there and for the ones you love is the best way to honor the intent of the holiday.
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